Friday, August 19, 2011

Virgin Housewife Tip: Big Feet Make Great Brooms

I have very big feet evidently. They don't seem that big to me. It's like I have the opposite of body dysmorphic disorder of the feet. But I must have big feet relative to my fellow Dos Equis. And by Dos Equis I don't mean the most interesting man in the world. I just mean double x's. I like the way dos equis sounds better than two exes. And I don't mean to exclude all non-speakers of Spanish. I feel like the last four sentences should be footnotes you should feel free to skim over and move on.

I wear a size 9 1/2 WW. Not XX. But for someone with two X chromosomes, a WW is really wide. Makes sense. I'm a pretty wide person. Wide hips. The whole "Your ancestors were peasants picking crops in the fields and not sitting on their asses on the computer all day" cankles. So it would probably look weird if I had "average" width feet. Like a sumo wrestler in ballet shoes.

It's a hassle to find shoes that I can wear all day without experiencing some sort of foot pain. I've found two styles that fit me best: Birkenstock Milanos and Ugg Wool Knit boots. And bare feet. One perk I had not thought of when deciding whether or not to go from full to part time at work is the ability to work braless and shoeless. No back pain. No foot pain.

So it's kind of a bummer to have enormously wide feet since it's so hard to find shoes that don't hurt me.

But I've finally found a benefit to my clownish feet. Tidying up Katie's room. Tidying is really not the right word. More like creating a path so I can walk to her bed without twisting my ankle or snapping a Littlest Pet Shop pet's head off with my step. I just take my big ass feet and shove the toys to the side. Using both feet, kinda like a soccer move, I get a mini workout from it too.