Saturday, August 13, 2011

Jesus is My Financial Advisor

I don't understand the argument that lazy people suck the welfare directly out of our hardworking hands and think they're entitled to it. Well, duh.

You're an 18 year old single woman, kicked out of your foster parents house, you get pregnant by this nice guy you meet at a Special Olympics event but you can't remember his name (you're not good with names) and you don't know how to get ahold of him.

As her neighbors, as her fellow humans, how can we help her? By telling her, "Hey, that's you're problem"? Or by saying, "That's what you get"? Or by saying, "She can get help at a religious charity"? What if she won't give her life over to whatever version of the truth the charity recommends and wants to just be able to live her life and have a giggle with her kid occasionally? We need a secular charity. How 'bout this, Conservatives? We rename welfare "secular charity." That way people can donate to the poor if they're godless liberals, or they can tithe to it if they're social conservatives of devout faith. And everyone inbetween. Or the assholes who just want a tax write off. Taking their money and giving it to the poor is a great idea to me.

Please, everyone, channel your Atticus Finches. Wait, I'm mixing literary metaphors. We need to do more walking around in other people's shoes. The top 2% of the wealthiest amongst us ought to give it up to the least of us, or so that radical hippie Jesus once said. Something like that. Jesus is my fiancial advisor, by the way. I highly recommend him.