Monday, August 15, 2011
Rwandan Genocide Videos
When I'm sad, I'm not one of those chicks who sticks her face in the freezer and sucks out all the fat and sugar content within. When I'm not sad I'm that chick, just not when I'm sad.
When I'm sad I like to dwell in it. I know. I'm weird. But I don't care anymore. Something happened to me when I turned forty where I don't care if what makes me feel good and is harmless to others causes notice in others.
When feeling sick, either psychologically or physically, or both, here's what I like to dwell in:
Movies -
"Ordinary People"
"Dances with Wolves"
Documentaries from PBS about horrific events such as the Rwandan Genocide.
We call those type of movies my "Rwandan Genocide Videos". Once Will got home from work and found me in a ball crying on the couch, the TV fuzzy, loud in need of turning off. Instead he grabbed me and held me and found my face and asked me what's wrong. I said, "Why do people have to be so mean to each other?"
He smiled, then he shook his head. Then he said, "Babe, why do you do this to yourself? Why do you watch these things?"
I don't know. They somehow make me feel, not better, sometimes worse. They make me feel human, and they make me want to live if for no other reason than to make this a better place.
What's wrong with a little commiseration?
Books:
"To Kill a Mockingbird"
"The Color Purple"
"Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant"
"Fun Home"
What do you like to dwell in when you're feeling depressed?
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I break down sobbing when I see news reports about people forgetting their babies in hot cars to die or deciding to murder their children in unthinkable ways for the sake of convenience in their lives, and I'm sure my husband, like yours, wonders why I do that to myself, why I watch that news and don't turn it off. I think the answer is somewhat like you. Not often, but sometimes, we need to be reminded that people can be horrible, the same way we sometimes (much more often) need to be reminded that they can be wonderful, if only to reaffirm our commitments to treasure our children and protect them always as much as we can, and help them see a vision of a world improved with their help.
ReplyDeleteI think in a way too, it's my weird way of counting my blessings. Like, yeah, I'm tired because I had to just scrub the toilet and empty the trash, but you know, I'm probably not going to get raped by an enemy soldier today, so my first world problems don't seem so bad from that perspective.
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