Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Sucking At Something You Love and Doing It Anyway

Life feels more important when I've gotten my daily dose of John Green.  This video is particularly meaningful to me, at a time in my life when I feel very uncertain about the career path I have taken.  Over a year ago I switched from the relative comfort of a cushy full time job to the disquieting uncertainty of part time employment and part time writing for no pay.

We're broke, but I must say, I'm writing more than ever.  Consistently.  And I think it's strengthening my skills.  But sometimes, when we're holding our breath that we get though an entire paycheck without our bank account becoming overdrawn, my unpaid writing feels a bit self-indulgent.  Shouldn't I go back to a bigger paycheck for our family?

But writing is important to me and it makes me feel good about myself.  So I can understand how someone could feel compelled to do something despite oppositional forces trying to stifle their enthusiasm.  Not that Will is opposing my choice to cut my paid work hours to write more.  He's been amazingly supportive.  But my fantasy of having published a novel by now is feeling rather squelched, and that empty goal feels like a threat to my creative livelihood.  I need to work on feeling pride for my amateur work.

As Hank Green says in the video above, "It sucks not to be good at something you love, but I really admire people who do it anyway."

I say it sucks not to get paid to do something you love, but I really admire people who do it anyway.