We stopped for some barbecue. We were in the area anyway. I was pet sitting for a friend who lives in
the inner city. Will suggested the place.
I figured he deserved a reward for escorting me on my various errands,
so I agreed even though it wasn't his birthday or Father's Day and I don't care
much for most meat. I figured I'd get my
karmic payback soon enough and we'd find ourselves eating at my favorite
Ethiopian restaurant just down the street from us in the burbs.
Katie and I told Will what we wanted--a ham sandwich and
fries for her; a turkey sandwich and fries for me--then stood back, out of the
way. It was a Saturday, lunchtime. The entire area in front of the counter was
packed full of customers waiting to order or waiting for their food or waiting
for more napkins. All of them, children
even, were patiently waiting. And quiet. Except for my child.
"Mama, why do all of the people in here except us have
black skin?"
She might as well have said it over the intercom. I bet the cooks back at the smoker could hear
Katie's question.
I generally pride myself on my answers to Katie's unending
stream of questions. It's my favorite
thing about parenting: discussing the philosophical questions. I notice other parents often giving up and
growing impatient. Belching out answers
such as, "Just because!" And
"Never mind!" And,
"That's just the way it is!"
Now I understand. Sometimes the
answers are too murky to explain.
Some kind of Einstein, although probably not The Einstein,
said, "If you can't explain it to a six year old, you don't understand it
yourself." He's right. Katie will be six in a couple weeks. This time she stumped me.
"Uh, um..."
I looked down at Katie's face.
Her unblemished, lily white skin.
I could feel the rosacea flaring on my own pitted and spider-veiny
cheeks. The Celtic Curse, they call
it. Rosacea is even worse when there's
some underlying white guilt triggering it.
About a decade ago when I was still in college, I took a
class at our city college called "Social Organization of the
City." It was fascinating. We studied historic documents that showed the
segregated racial boundaries in our city and compared them to the current
demographics. In the forty years since
white flight took off in our city, very little integration occurred until this
last decade. When I was attending my
suburban school district in the late eighties it was still incredibly
homogeneous. I had one black friend
growing up. And she was actually
biracial. She lived with her single
mother, who was white. I never met her
dad. I don't think she had ever met her
dad either. She never talked about him,
even when I asked her questions. I
generally got the same "Uh, um..." like I gave Katie at the barbecue
joint. Now Katie goes to the same school
district I did, only it's become more racially diverse. There were three black and white biracial
children in her kindergarten class last year.
And several Latinos and other browner skinned kids. But still, most of her classmates are
white. How do you explain segregation
and white flight to a small child? In
front of an audience of African-Americans?
Even though I took that class and studied the issue of race
and integration within cities and suburbs, I still had no idea how to explain
it to Katie as we waited for our smoked meat and fried potatoes.
"Uh, um...This neighborhood is home to lots of black
people." I tried sticking to the
facts. Not editorializing is incredibly
difficult for me. I began to sweat under
my arm pits.
"Why?"
Oh shit. "Uh,
um..." I kept looking down at Katie's face. If I looked at anyone else around us they
might see my clenched smile and wide eyes and then I'd lose whatever little
cool I had. "Well, um..."
"Why, Mama?"
Katie grabbed my hand and squeezed it.
Suddenly, I couldn't get that Bruce Horsby video out of my head.
That's just the way it is.
"Because their moms and dads lived here. People tend to like to live near their
family."
Thank you, Jesus!
Hallelujah! Thank you God for
helping me pull that answer out of my ass!
Later, it had been quiet in our car for a long time. It was triple digits hot as hell outside and
we were all conserving our energy trying to cool off our bodies by not talking
in our air-conditioned car. Milling over
what I should have said, I blurted out, "But we're all family if you go
back far enough. If you go back to
Mitochondrial Eve!"
There. I felt
better. Until Katie replied.
"What are you talking about, Mother?"
"Never mind."
I said, turning my hot face toward the vent.
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