Sunday, September 16, 2012

Buddy Christ Is My Culinary Guide

"This is actually really good, Babe," Will assured me after taking a bite.  

"Even though I nearly burnt the kitchen down making it?" 

Evidently I missed seventh grade Home Ec the day my teacher went over this rule: never add water to hot oil in a skillet.  Also, make sure and follow the instructions on the package in numerical order.  Do not, for example, mix up steps 2 and 3 if the steps are as follows:

step 1: add oil to skillet
step 2: add potstickers to the skillet
step 3: add water to the skillet

Otherwise your normally superhumanly calm husband might shout louder than you were aware he was capable, "YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT!" as the hot oil splatters ALL OVER the range, the refrigerator beside it, and the vinyl floor in front.

I couldn't figure out a way to reach over the hot splattering mess to turn off the burner.  I couldn't just grab the skillet handle to move it off the burner, even with a potholder, without burning everything below my elbow at least.  I couldn't figure out what to do.  I stood there trying to remember if I should use baking soda or flour to put out a grease fire and I began estimating how much time it would take me to get the dogs, the cat, and Katie outside the house...where are the dog's leashes?  The cat's kennel?  Is Katie even wearing any clothes?

I did manage to at least delegate a responsibility when I commanded my tall husband to "take the battery out of the smoke alarm!"  

Pleased with myself for remembering this vital step from the last time I nearly burnt the kitchen down making dinner, I stood there thinking as my tremendous fortune spread out before me: I married a man who is quick into action.  Will grabbed a giant lid and dropped it on top of the greasy fireworks display.  

Mmm.  Thanks, Babe, for allowing me to momentarily fantasize I had a fireman in my kitchen.

My fantasy was soon squelched with the reality that I would have to somehow clean up all this grease.  What a freaking mess.

It turned out pretty good.   

Our range and everything surrounding it, newly degreased

Buddy Christ was due for a bath anyway.  

I would complain about His skills watching over me as I cook for my family, but I guess since no fire consumed us and He sent my fireman angel Will to the rescue, Buddy Christ really is my Culinary Guide.  Thank you, Buddy Christ!