Thursday, November 8, 2012

Monogamous Bisexuality

Monogamous bisexuality is a complex concept for our black and white society to comprehend.  I'm all Chatty Cathy when it comes to celebrating sexual diversity, and yet even I have difficulty articulating what it means to be both monogamous and bisexual.

I've been married to a man for eight years now and monogamously committed to him for ten.  In my young adulthood I was with a woman for three years.  In between, I was a serial monogamist with several people of both sexes.  I've never in my life cheated on anyone I've been committed to, and yet I consider myself to be bisexual since I am attracted to both men and women.

That doesn't mean all men and all women.  I tend to be the most attracted to gender ambiguity - boyish-looking short-haired butch women, long-haired sweet-faced hippie men, and less attracted to extremes on the gender spectrum - fake hair/nails/face/boobs hyper-feminine women, gruff overly-muscled uber-macho men.

So I was relieved to find someone who understands me.  Here's a great post by Lauren Michelle Kinsey in which she clears up some questions many people have about bisexuality:

"I want to be out of the closet as a bisexual because visibility makes the world a better place for all bisexuals. I want to help decrease the ignorance and stereotypes about bisexuality though my visibility. I want to help educate the world about healthy sexuality by getting people to think differently and more accurately about how human sexuality manifests."

Yes!  That's what I'm talking about.

I also appreciate what Kinsey says about labels and self-labeling, something I struggle with in particular:

"What you can name, you can talk about. What you can talk about, you can educate about. A word is a label. Words make language and communication possible. I hate the idea of a world without labels. It would be a mute world. However, labels should be self-chosen. Putting a label on someone that they haven't chosen for themselves isn't kind. Ask people how they like to be identified."

I'm not sure if Lauren Michelle Kinsey is related to the great Alfred C. Kinsey.  Even if their shared name is simply a coincidence, it seems Lauren is continuing Alfred's mission to educate people about human sexuality.

If you haven't seen Bill Condon's biopic Kinsey, you should.  Watch out, though.  It might turn you sapiosexual.